After much debate on twitter, I decided to buy an espresso maker but I opted not to buy the $100 Tassimo espresso machine because it is expensive and requires special espresso pods.
I bought a $40 Mr. Coffee Machine and a $10 grinder. I made more than $50 worth of espresso beverages in the week since buying the machine, so the investment was worth it. I guess I am officially a beverage snob too because there is an unsweetened almond-milk latte in my tumbler right now. Delish.
One thing I have yet to learn is how to use the milk steamer. It seems hopelessly complicated, but I suppose reading the instruction manual might help…
I am in line at one of the many Starbucks in the Mall of America.
In front of me are two African women. In front of them is a middle aged woman. She’s soaked with sweat.
Of course she turns around and addresses the African women:
Margie McSweaty: “I’m sweating! And it’s not that it is hot. I know that it is not hot, but I get hot. I get so hot that I sweat until I am soaked. Then I cool down, and get cold. Freezing. It’s terrible. This is what you have to look forward to!”
The African women don’t quite know how to react to this menopausal over-share. The awkwardness is delicious.
Ms. Ass: “…I get what he’s saying about names. My parents love me, but my initials are “A.S.S.”
I was only briefly traumatized in 2nd grade when the 5th graders found out… but in undergrad, Bumble University used our initials as our email address. So when applying to law school, I had to get documentation from Bumble U that I did not pick “ASSØØ4@bumble.edu” to be my email.”
Judd: “…was…was that a gunshot?” Me: “Welcome to the neighborhood. Lemme sleep.” Judd: “…WHAT? Aren’t you going to call the police?” Me: “…if I called the police every time I heard a gunshot…” Judd: “But this is RIGHT underneath you…” Me: “I have international tax law at 8:30am. If I call the police I won’t be awake for class.”
Professor W: “What’s so wrong with swearing? The most wonderful word in the English language is that four letter word that begins with “f” and ends with “k.”
Middle Aged Lady: “Can I tell you guys something? When I was young I thought I was special. I thought was really special! I thought I was so special that I thought I would have a virgin birth! And it has taken me 55 years to realize I AM NOT SPECIAL. I AM NOT SPECIAL AT ALL!”
Stella and I are holed up at Starbucks studying for finals.
My international tax law exam is self-scheduled. I may take it tomorrow. Possibly, maybe.
I will finish my outline for Wednesday’s corporate tax law exam tonight and see if I need more than one day to prepare. I think I just need to force myself to take these self-scheduled exams early lest I focus on too many irrelevant/obscure things. I think 80% of finals prep is a waste of time, so I am trying (desperately) to be more efficient.
…and crazy “reads aloud in foreign languages” hobo is here. He’s usually at the Purple Onion but decided to make a guest appearance at Starbucks to distract us. He was reading in Arabic, now he’s reading aloud in Italian, and we are pretty sure he doesn’t speak either language. I don’t know what’s going on, but after a few more hours in the treasury regulations I might start speaking in tongues too…
Oh, and Starbucks had “happy hour” today, which meant half-priced beverages and a line that stretched outside of the door for the better part of 2 hours:
The undergrads couldn’t chase me down for snickering and taking their picture because they didn’t want to lose their place in line. Hah! This happy-hour promotion goes all week, so I will have a captive audience for when I snap and start reading tax regs aloud. Buhaha…
The law school building contains brilliant people, but has the aesthetic appeal of a leaky basement. This is why so many of us sneak over to the business school, which has windows and a full-service Starbucks. Behold:
Usually the view is great, but today’s snowstorm makes the usual view of Downtown Minneapolis a little hard to see…
Downtown is still there, somewhere, sort of... but the snowed-out view is still preferable to the dungeon law school building.
Note: “My legal space” is a law school version of Kristy/Kootoyoo.com’s “My Creative Space” post series. The purpose of “My Legal Space” is to make law students more conscious about where they choose to study.
Barista #1 is a middle aged black woman with an accent.
Barista #2 is a teenage Hispanic student.
Me: “May I have a venti dark roast with room?” Barista #1: “Sure. Hm, this is a refill so it will be 54 cents.”
I pull out my card.
Barista #1: “You don’t have 54 cents?” Me: “Oh, I have a dollar. Here.” Barista #1: “Good. You don’t want to swipe your card for such a small amount.” Me: “Yeah, I’m bad about carrying cash…I should go to the ATM.” Barista #2 (who is making the drinks): “Oh who carries cash anymore?! The only people who carry cash now a-days are drug dealers, banks, and Indians.”
Barista #1 gasps, and we both look at Barista #2.
We then look at the Indian woman1 who was waiting for her drink. She’s glaring at Barista #2 as if he just bitch-slapped her child.
Barista #2 (to me): “What?” Me: “I honestly don’t know how to respond to that…but uh, I’ll got to ATM later. Have a nice day!”
I snatched my coffee and limped away before any drama could start.
1 He was probably talking about Native Americans, but it was an odd comment because he was making a drink for an East-Indian.
Me: “May I have a large dark roast with room for cream?” Barista: “Sure, anything else?” Me (pulling out tumbler): “Yes, may I have a latte with six shots of espresso in the tumbler?” Barista (gasping): “You want what?” Me: “A latte with six shots.” Barista: “How many?” Me: “Six.” Barista: “Six?” Me: “Yes. Six. I basically want you to fill up this tumbler with espresso and put a dash of milk on top for show.”
The cashier-Barista gives me a filthy look and then puts the order in. There was another Barista who was making the drinks. The drink-maker looked at her order screen and gasped.
My new tumbler1 actually keeps beverages hot. Plus, milk at my job is free.2
So the purpose of getting a 6-shot latte for the tumbler and a normal cup filled with coffee is that I can make lattes on my own without having to run back to the store throughout the night. So it’s really only like order 3 lattes over a 6 hour period… which isn’t that bad. Or so I tell myself…
1This is my new tumbler. My old Starbucks tumbler was horrible. It constantly spit out liquid even when “shut.” It was like coffee volcano. 2 The cafeteria has those lift-the-lever dispensers.
The University of Minnesota has a fairly good selection of coffee shops: 3 Dunn Brothers, 2 Starbucks, 2 Java City stores, Einstein Bros, and various campus convenience stores.
I refuse to go to the Java City cafes. I started boycotting Java City because of the bitchy anti-Starbucks comments from the baristas. They see my tumbler and start brewing the hateraid:
I give my tumbler to the Java City baristas and hear:
“Ew, Starbucks! Gross! When are you going to get a Java City tumbler?”
Um, excuse me? Do they even make Java City tumblers? That’s like rocking a Ross T-shirt…
Java City is the Cooley Law School of coffee shops. Java City is what university dining services uses when it can’t attract a real coffee franchise. That’s right. The Java City baristas aren’t even Java City employees*, and yet they bitch about my Starbucks tumbler. Pfft!
Besides, the constant tumbler comments are simply bad customer service.You don’t have a tip jar because it would hurt your feelings…
Hence the boycott – I refuse to accept snark from bootleg foot court baristas who can be transferred to Panda Express tomorrow. I’m taking my money to a real coffee shop**.
